Mistaking Arrogance for Confidence

Arrogance is to judge one’s self-worth by comparison with others.

To think that one is superior to those inferior to oneself and that one is equal to one’s equals is also arrogance.

To judge our self-worth by comparing ourselves with others is arrogance too.

We may be inclined to mistake our arrogance for confidence and others’ confidence for arrogance.

Certain comparisons between oneself and others may be objectively true—such as income, IQ or physical appearance. But if we constantly judge our self-worth through comparison with others in whatever standards chosen, we are becoming arrogant. Of course, this is not to deny some merits that comparison and competition bring to our lives—such as motivation for improvement and an opportunity for self-reflection.

Moreover, the correct assessment of our circumstances through comparison is essential to improving our lives. In fact, those living in isolation or unwilling to learn from others are arrogant.

If we start thinking of our lives as happy or unhappy, meaningful or meaningless, solely based on comparison with others, we may as well consider ourselves as arrogant.

Arrogant people feel good about themselves only through affirming their superiority to others. Our sense of superiority is always relative to whom we are compared with and never constant because of our own changing circumstances.

False confidence based on superiority, therefore, easily turns into a feeling of inferiority and self-disparagement, like a millionaire feeling poor among billionaires, a Ph.D. feeling foolish among Nobel laureates or a healthy person feeling overweight among supermodels.

Genuinely confident people, on the other hand, feel great about themselves without comparing themselves with others. Such people are aware of some intrinsic personal strength or merit worthy of praise and respect.

Their missed promotion or lost love does not spell out their failure as a human being. Their financial success or academic achievement does not make them superior to their peers.

So long as they continue to be aware of their innate positive quality and strive to cultivate it, people will remain confident regardless of their external circumstances.

-by Shin Yatomi(abridged)

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