the face that wears a thousand mask

I am not the girl you think I am....

I am an actress living my life as if I was on stage...
I portray the character of a savage, a radical, an extremist, an anarchist, an agnostic....
a person without a heart, without a soul....
a person who is sick of routine, sick of conformity, sick of conventions....
I am someone who pretends to be happy...
Someone who pretends to be strong...
Yes, at some point I am what you perceive to be, but I am not the girl you entirely think I am....

I am sensitive, pained, vulnerable, fearful and shy...
I wear a mask of indifference...
a mask so tight that not even I am capable of taking it off...
a mask so powerful, I fear the removal of it....

Yes, I fear...
I do have fears....

I fear blood especially mine...
I fear death, although I often face it and even run after it...
I fear pain and rejection....
I fear risks and fear the outcomes of my actions.......
I fear betrayal...
I fear loss...
I fear I would not be loved.....

This world has been my persecutor... Society has eaten my dreams, chewed up my identity and spit the remaining dignity in my life...

This life has made me build my mask...
This world has made the mask stronger...
Is there something that can guide me? Someone to help me out? I dont..

I do not know who to trust anymore...
dont know what I really want in my life.....
don't know where I am going...

And so I continue being the girl you think I am...
that's me!! :(

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