GENDER BENDERS

Men have been trying to understand women since the beginning of time. Here I answer some questions that have foxed our foxy males. Each question has two answers. The bold print is rashly tongue-in-cheek. The sober print is the voice of reason of a saner behavioural analyist observing the male female divide.

Male question:

It's time to come clean, guys. Here and now, I feel compelled to reveal all the questions men have crawling around in their heads - the questions we're desperate to have answered but scared to death to ask our women any ladies willing to answer ??

Answer:

its a good thing to be scared.. we want it that way... its like they say a little stress is a good thing... a little stage fright is healthy etc. so I wonder if I should take you all away from the state of health and push you into a state of complacent emotional obesity.....

What we think and say and do are often different things and it is this trichotomy in all humans that create complications. Men and women are two different species and therefore understanding basics of how their minds operate is essential for great relationships.

Male question:

Why do you all wish we were more like John Abraham ?

Answer:

We are human and if you can all secretly fantasise about Bips and lie to us that you are thinking about us when we catch you with that vacant sheepish grin ... can't we girls have our own wish list? At least we are open about it.

The answer to that question is a simple one. "I wish that too. Isn't he a hunk?" Women are not looking for any promise on your part for the impossible. Its just their way of saying John is a hunk. You are expected to nod in affirmation.

Male question:

Do you or don't you want us to open the door for you? Just let us know, and we'll act accordingly.

Answer:

I am answering for me ... yes... please open the door, look into my eyes all through the meal, evince a genuine interest in what I am saying, tell me often that I am awesome, no.. don't let your eyes stray.... and finally pay the bill.

Women love chivalry. There is no big feminist out there. But there are wonderful women who do not want to be treated as dumb doormats or fiery viragos. The opening of doors is a lovely gesture and must be done always. Paying the bill is something you offer to do always and give in when she insists with resigned grace. The important thing is to make her feel that you recognise her worth which is beyond doors and bills anyway.

Male question:

How can you look cute in pigtails?

Answer:

Look pal every girl looks cute in pigtails.... even an 80 year old grandma... in fact she looks the cutest of them all... so it's easy to say yes shooo cuteeee my shonaaa .... coz it is cute.. cute is not about being sexy or beautiful... it is about being silly and giving life that extra zing ... so play ball.. say it !!!!

Women sometimes like to hark back and catch the will-o-wisp days of youthful charm and who else can they do it safely with than the big oaf at home? So say its cute. After all it is not like you are this head turning adonis yourself. If you play the game you get the rewards. Its give and take. Samjhe na? *wink

Male question:

Why the fascination with Amitabh Bachhan ? He's old enough to be your father, for crying out loud? Seriously.

Answer:

AB (here Im playing the devil's advo for all my sisters who simblyyy love him) is da man. The first angry man, the first gaunt lover, the first tall man with a 10 tonne baritone, the man whose gait in deewar awakened the first animal urges in us, whose intense eyes we secretly fantasised were looking into ours.. Those dreams dont die. If they do a part of us dies with it. That young impressionable woman who had all those dreams before she...er... married you.

Icons are a part of our growth mapping and we store them in a place where the reality does not change the magic. So Amitabh might look a kinsman to the last mummy they found of Queen Hatshesput.. .. but the magic is one that has matured like wine and nothing will tarnish it. So understand the reality behind the reality and nod accordingly. Leave the battles alone.. win the war

Male question:

When you ask "Does this look okay?" do you want honesty or support? We really can do both.

Answer:

Well darling we want the best answer. If it looks okay to you say: "You look fabulous in everything." or " Is it possible for you to look not ok?" Now, if you think it looks terrible the diplomatic answer would be: I cant take my eyes off you but if you wore that green one you would look so yummy... I'd probably want to ... with an appropriate growl at this point.. now tell me would you lazy males take the trouble to let your jaws move this much?

A woman depends on her man for approval. She is waiting for the compliment. Preempt her need and say it. If she cooks something if you are silent she will ask is it ok? does it need salt? She is reminding you that you have forgotten to say its fantastic. Not just your spouse... catch your mother doing it next time you have a meal at her place. Same thing here. Read between the questions and you will never need to answer any.

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