Are You With The Right Person?

Many individuals spend a great deal of time in relationships wondering if their partner is the right one for them, whether they should stay or go. This question can become so persistent that it interferes with being able to relax and allow the bond to grow.

THE DOUBT:

There are a number of factors that cause individual to doubt their relationships. Some say that although they love the person they do not know if they are loved back; others don’t know if they are ready for commitment; some are concerned about qualities or behaviours they are uncomfortable with.

Others remain in relationships hoping to change their partners, or from fear of being alone. In many cases individuals are reluctant to leave because they don’t want to lose the time they have put in, can’t face starting all over again.

Many do not trust their judgment, fear they’ll always make mistakes. There are certain checkpoints we can utilize to see whether the relationship has the potential to be what we’re looking for – a situation in which both people feel satisfied and can grow.

Before we turn to the checkpoints, make a list what you truly need and want in a relationship. Be honest with yourself. Divide the list into three sections:

Section 1:

List Your Priorities, what is it that which you cannot give up. Some examples might be honesty, loyalty, self-respect. Each one’s priorities differ and that’s fine.

Section 2:

That Which You Want But Cannot Do Without. Some examples of this could be – enjoying the same sports, enjoying the same vacations, liking each other’s family.

Section 3:

That Which You Cannot Tolerate. Some examples might be deception, abusive behaviour, volatility.

After you have worked on your list carefully, your own needs and values will come into better focus. Now take a look at your relationship and see how it fits.

Sometimes it will become immediately clear that he is or isn’t the right one for you. Other times when it isn’t so clear, ask yourself this: Am I counting on the fact that the person will change one day?

A MISTAKE:

It is always a mistake to stay in a relationship if it is based upon wanting the other person to change. Although people promise to change and want to, change is difficult and it only happens when they are dissatisfied with themselves and in pain.

If you want to change most of them, it’s best to let go. If there are just a few areas that bother you, try to accept them as they are.

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